Frankenstein-kebab: Man Or Myth


 – Extracts of a Wearside creature –

Some say he is a Frankenstein-kebab, a twisted mixture of severed body parts collected just after world war II, and assembled using a 50/50 ratio of half English half German corpse remains.

One source, who would like to remain anonymous put forth this bold statement “This BEAST has the tongue and eyes of Adolf Hitler

Some say he is a myth, a figment of many a crazed mind! Mr Henry a former cherry knowle patient said  “Arggggh The Wearside Krueger he lurked deep inside my nightmares for many moons”

Others say he has an uncanny resemblance to 1984’s

The Toxic Avenger.

Here is a few things i have read up on and come to believe about this elusive entity.

The fleshy outer covering is a shell hiding the inner truth, It is in fact a North East breed of Reptilian.

Around the 1993 mark after drinking the contents of a bottle of Wild Turkey, Gepetto the inventor stumbled upon Peter Jackson’s failed props cupboard. after another wish, The Frankenstein-kebab was born.

He is the bastard half Brother of Pinocchio

In Arabic it is known as سلطة المراوغ,when translated into English, this is the outcome: Salad Dodger.

They believe this creature dates back to the prehistoric period and is a out right carnivore. If salad were to pass it’s lips, it would kick-start an allergic reaction that would slowly consume it’s entire structure.

– Like So –

It grows in size by absorbing vibes and can often be seen deep within the murky back streets of Sunderland sniffing at the backdoor of many a house party!

It is Extremely dangerous… and you are NOT safe! as through it’s nazi eyes it will attempt to control your mind making you tear apart your own flesh and hand feed it until you pass away from severe blood loss.

After an online sighting pole voters declared by a maragin of 75% to 25% that it looked more 1966’s The Reptile Than Toxic Avenger!

Until around 3 weeks ago i had never made eye contact with a photo of this strange so-called reptilian, i only had my sighting reports and mock up artist sketches to go on. (Reptilians were made popular by David Icke, a conspiracy theorist who believes shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to control our societies. He believes that many of the world leaders are reptilians and were trying to gain power to run the world) that was until another one of my many sources who would also, due to legal reasons remain anonymous showed me a photograph they had taken while trying to (P)fend(T) off an attack by this over-sized vibe eater!

Many mythical beasts and creatures have allegedly been caught on camera and most have been dismissed as forgeries, Big Foot, The Loch Ness Monster, The chupacabra and so on……..

I now admit at first glance i was quick to doubt the authenticity of the photo that sat in front of me, it clearly bared some resemblance to previous sightings and it does look like mid transformation of a reptilian taking human form.

  But still to this day i have no idea if it was the real deal or just another failed attempt at tricking us into believing …

Take a Glance and make your own mind up.

Reptilian Or Plot Loss? you decide!

 – Mobb Deep (1994) –

There’s a war goin on outside, no man is safe from
You could run but you can’t hide forever
from these, streets, that we done took
You walkin witcha head down scared to look


One Response to “Frankenstein-kebab: Man Or Myth”

  1. AnonymousConcerned Says:

    This could be the creature i thought i had seen one night. Now i must admit i had a wicked case of whiskey eyes and limited movement from a heavy night of trying to replace all of my bodily fluids with alcohol. I was frozen with a combination of total fear but mostly by complete diselief! The encounter was brief as this thing slurred some german sounding babble and shuffled off.
    When i came too the next day and gathered my thoughts i told a friend about it who had too seen this beast and told me a story he had heard of its origin according to german folklore.

    A man named Gipetto Hitler, a deranged puppet maker by day and kebab shop manager by night got lonely one quiet tuesday night with a lack of custom. With only his madness keeping him company he carved an obscure creature from the huge kebab meat wishing the creature could be alive and be his real life puppet doing his evil deeds.

    No sooner had the wish finished leaving his lips, the lights went off and the kebab meat fell into the deep fat fryer. Gipetto was shocked as there was alot of splashing from the fat which should have settled but then the lights came on and rising from the fat was the disfigured and swollen image of the kebab beast he had carved earlier.
    This kebab abomination was talking complete nonsensical deutsch and Gipetto tried to calm this creature he had created and wished for but it had only the bounty of german sausages in the shop on his mind.

    Throwing Gipetto aside the monster began gulleting anny Würste in sight. Once there were no more sausages to eat it broke though a window and vanished.

    Because of its supposed origin, its aroma and eating habits Gipetto named this thing the “Würstemonster”. Loosely translating as sausage monster there have been sightings across the last 40 years acorss europe and even some on boats. Frighteningly but most of which coming from the UK.

    So if you smell a mixture of meats never meant to be coupled that smell like theyve been cooked in urine, and the sound of dutch vocab get out of there!!

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