Foul Freaks & Twisted Tweakers
Waiting for the league of champions to kick off on Saturday we started playing a round of 3’s (a simple darts game for the intoxicated mind)
Elimination Rules: The highest 3 darts goes in to the next round.
The final consisted of, TUSK The No1 Party Lion Vs BEN The Ghost Of 23 Eden….. It was Party Lion to throw first, Half bitten by the cylinder of snakes (Strongbow, Carling mixture) he steps up to the 21 Florian oche, adopting the south paw approach to rid his dartitis he gets ready to through arrows. At this time he was fully unaware that his next three darts will send the room into a brutal frenzy of the finest scale…..
A right-handed player about the throw using his left, he has snake bitten eyes and the odds are stacked against him.
Dart One – Treble Twenty (Possible Luck)
Dart Two – Treble Twenty (Lightning Strikes Twice?)
Dart Three – Treble Twenty (Party Mode Commence!)
To celebrate the monster shot we decided to down our next pints which quickly spiraled into making a video to mark the occasion. Below is the final outcome….. and this style of party carried on all night with even a showing from the billy lad & a dry docked wynn dogg (it’s true, he didn’t sink his ship that night) back to the shop, more snakes for the troopers, champions league final penalty Shoot outs with unknown renditions of Lee Lee Lee Cattermole at full voice, green goblin’s aka disco roll-ups, baths, bike baths, whiskey in the bath, more Golliewog’s and to finish it of, belly’s full to the brim of china dinner’s finest………. Shoot that poison arrow, a night to remember!
The Place: Souter’s caravan The Date: new years eve 2010
We fled from our humble abodes leaving behind the normal and went in search of loud music, whiskey, ice-cold party cylinders and a night of unforgettable wildness, hyped up beyond control there is now way this plan could fail, and if the other caravan attacks were any thing to go by i was destined to wake up with Blurred Vision, Sever Memory Loss, Dead Dogg Mouth and The Unholy Creature lurking behind the eyes.
The usual suspects arrived and the intoxication began.
Sounds and movement were taking place but I myself had drifted off into some kind of Isolated state, the humans and objects around me had faded away and i was experiencing total tranquillity in the most purest form, but thankfully that’s when my brain decided to kick back into action and what i had to do next became quite clear.
I had to locate a way of traveling back in time and hijacking a distant vibe, a part of my history that shone with greatness involving a batch of familiar beings floating on the same level and basking in the delights that the crazy liquid called booze had to offer. that’s what i was hoping to locate, i wasnt looking at years or even months all i asked for was days eleven of them to be precise.
I was not familiar with the ins and outs of time travel but somehow that end up working to my advantage, i Mean i had seen a few films all with different methods but i had nor the means or the technology to put these into practice.
I scanned the room and located my point of entry aka ICD (Impact Count Down), it was a calendar placed on the wall opposite me depicting some type of over-sized bird, for some reason the night i was looking for the 17th i had all ready marked that date with full-blown caravan sesh (as can be seen below) only now do my frantic scrawling become clear, i new one day i would need to revisit this moment in time and absorb some of its raw power. As the night in question was one crazy son of a bitch………..
At this point in time i was in total concentration mode nothing but pure eye contact and the utmost belief would get me through this moment of madness, my pinprick eyes were locked and nothing was going to stop me now, i was experiencing tunnel vision at its finest, me and the objective were as one and in a matter of seconds i was either going to be sent hurtling back in time or hit the floor and smell the sweet stench of failure.
My whole body began to rattle as deep inside my brain i started the count down from 13, i knew once i got to zero none of fellow brethren could be in the way of me and the designated impact area as there could only be two ways this was going to end, either 1, Total Skeleton vaporisation or 2, being dragged into the worm hole without a ticket and if you go by what the good doctor had to say, you have to buy the ticket to take the ride.
Three Two One
I jumped up and charged like some giant frenzied buffalo trying to escape the clutches of a blood thirsty predator, my destination was closing in so i decided to take flight and brace myself for impact, BOOM i hit the oversized bird square on and to my amazement time stood still, i glanced over at faces of pure shock and bewilderment as this black hole slowly absorbed every particle of my body.
Once inn it is was just like being trapped in some dream state or watching back through hours of raw footage i could see the days that have passed me, it was if i was being dripped through time like a leaky keg of whiskey from the 1930’s, blurred faces, misshapen structures, the sounds of haunting words that were far to twisted for the human ear to pick up on.
Spiraling down through this strange memory vortex the next thing i know im hit by a brutal flash of light and my god there it is, the whole reason for me taking on this strange time traveling adventure, the 17th of december 2010 in all its glory, like some kind of fly on the wall i watched a version of the night never seen before, speed up to 1000 times normal speed, its enough to send the most sanest of humans into a total mind melt down. but to me this was exactly what i needed to see in this point of time, or was it?
Before i even has time to think on the matter i was spat out to a mighty BANG, i had hit the floor and was back in the caravan, i looked around and it was if nothing had changed the same shocked faces, the same caravan, i was back and to those in the room it was as if i had never left, for them this whole ordeal was over in a matter of seconds but to me i knew exactly what had taken place, i had taken on time travel in all its beauty and it dared to give me a glimpse of what can be achieved with the right frame fo mind.
I sat back down, took a quick lung full of air and a sip of ice-cold whiskey and got on with the night, i did not mention the trip i had taken nor the vibes i had picked up, but needless to say the night unfolded into a messy pit of drunken perfection, good music and good standard crazyness all around.
Looking back i will never know if it was my vibe hunting mission that made the night what it was, but then again you have to ask yourself maybe if i never left th night would have followed the exact same path or it could have even unfolded into a different state, but what i do now is i and the people involved in this winters might in 2010 drank and partied all the way through to 2011 in style……..
Above you are looking at the actual photo taken on the night that has somehow managed to evade capture and stay hidden from the general public. that is untill now when the NMB finally revealed the structure behind its true movement.
What is it behind billy’s eyes?
Can’t tell if he’s still got the happy shakes from that handrail buzz off the other day or he’s seen something Big Sorm hasnt!
We approached the scene with caution as it was clear for all to see that axe wielding louts had violated the location prior to our arrival. The extent of this damage was plain to see but we pressed on and set up camp before a shift on the bow saw provided fuel to keep the fire going into the night.
Meat was consumed as the beer flowed and there were even rumours of billy lad making a late appearance until a group of head torch wearing unknowns approached in the darkness. Luckily they were on the other side of the river and passed without a fuss leaving us to continue with our business.
Several hours later we were in full swing and the lad turned up as the sun started to rise, bed was inevitable at this stage to avoid daylight sleep in hot tents ahead of the mornings drive home. A new fire and a makeshift BBQ was enough to sort us out with breakfast in the light rain ready to head back to Sunderland!
That is all for now keep watching for part 3 return of the organ donor!
Somehow it worked, four people crammed into a tiny motor on a 5-6 hour southwards trip to the big smoke and it was pulled off with ease, Almost perfect timing left us with 30 mins to indulge on the rudeboi of london’s favourite flavour… fried chicken. We waited for the host to arrive from work And when he did marv was nursing his bike home with what seemed like a sour start to the mayhem.. THE REAR P, this wasn’t stopping anyone and after a quick chill we were led to the local fun store for some multibuy deals on party cylinders and before we knew it the plot was starting to thicken.
Car 1 – 0 Cookie
Luckily big jimmy nez wasnt a pussy like this guy and nailed the 3 story balcony break in to marvs gaff and after a quick nap and a full english we were back on route to the homeland
Breaking news: Julian Assange (Prolific whistle-blower linked with the NMB on several occasions) has been spotted on the streets of Sunderland trying to retrieve some highly sensitive NMB bound material. He was close to success but fortunately for the followers of NMB we have managed to track down said documents and leak them before they get into the wrong hands. Observe these documents at your own peril, actors have been used to recreate most events keeping the identity of the real people a close guarded secret…
On febuary 20th 2008 ‘Long Legs Cool Jonny’ (LL COOL J) turned 18. The following photograph shows the man in question on said night:
Traditionally in the UK it is widely accepted to drink copious amounts of booze to celebrate such a passing of age and on that night we delivered without touching the sides. Of course we didn’t take this task on alone, we had help from none other than the CHUG. The birthday boy stepped up to the mark and carried out what any young male on their 18th sets out to do, regular cans were put to one side to reveal one of ASDAs finest treats.
That’s right one can of FAXE and one chug, the outcome could only mean one thing. Down the shoot in one, he was doomed from the start, alcohol is a drug that is soaked up by the stomach and small intestine. Once the poisonous sirrium had entered the organs, the chemicals started to take hold and the bloodstream was bombarded with ALCOHOL. The liver is an organ which is capable of breaking down alcohol and naturalizing the bloodstream, if there is too much alcohol in the bloodstream the liver can no longer cope keeping the booze in full flow.
The liver can break alcohol down at a rate of around one drink per hour. Unfortunately the one can of FAXE was the equivalent of two or three normal drinks and went down the hatch in under 10 seconds. Instant overload to the internal organ system led to an unhealthy amount of alcohol submitted into the depths off Jonnys stomach and small intestine. This resulted in an increased amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. Once in the bloodstream alcohol depresses the brain and slows down its ability to control the body and mind. This is what a recent outbreak of ‘ZOMBIE EYE’ can be attributed to. Alcohol acts like a sedative and slows down muscle coordination, reflexes, movement, and speech.
With such a severe intake of booze the stomach realized it had been infected with a poison and the result was inevitable. The night was suddenly transformed into one for the history books.
Fast forward 3 years and JONNY’S 21st is fast approaching, who knows what is going to happen? One thing is for certain we are going to drink the quayside exchange dry! Plans are in full swing and a Facebook event has been set up to mark the 21st birthday of JONNY LONG. If you are going RSVP to the event at once for full details of location, date and time.
The party is rumored to be based on this video but unfortunately due to the economic climate, giant champagne glasses are unavailable. Who knows maybe we can arrange for some cans of FAXE with the top cut off.
Sunderland’s great, Newcastle’s great, “But Sunderland’s better”
Souter’s vocal functions go out the window as he takes on the word slop of an extinct pterodactyl and participates in a slight case of inner caravan wildness. The movement in question took place on saturday 22nd january 2011, i can only remember the date of this melt down as it was the first time i have allowed the musical delights of the devil’s beat to creep into my system for quite some time.
Devil’s beat post to follow.
Photo’s of the night in question stole from miss Sacha Capeling